This Just In
Heads continue to roll over the visa granted by the INS to Mohamed Atta, though unfortunately, it’s too late for Atta’s own head to roll. In addition to the visa, Atta was also pre-approved for a MasterCard and a Home Depot card. At this very moment, a guy named Abdul is using them to secure the parts for a suitcase bomb.
Those of us to the right of Ron Kuby are still wondering how on Earth this could have happened. Exactly how infamous a mass murderer do you have to be to make that little red light go on in the head of career bureaucrat fishing through dossiers as he woofs down a bean burrito from Taco Bell? What would a fly on the wall have heard during the two or three minutes these folks pondered the Atta application over a couple of chili dogs and liter of diet Sprite? “Personally, I think the guy’s got a lot on the ball. He’s even taking flying lessons.”
Folks, all we’re asking is the next time you’re thinking of giving someone with a turban and history of disseminating violently anti-American propaganda grazing rights for the next twelve months, run a Lexus/Nexus search on him. If you get over 10,000 hits and more than 5,000 of them contain the words “FBI most wanted,” you might want to consider submitting the application for further review.
Sadly, Atta is not an isolated case. Far from it. Consider a few other privileges recently granted by various governments agencies at the local, state, and federal levels.
- John Wayne Bobbit and Lorena Bobbit are now officially separated.
- The Reverend Jim Jones was approved in April for a food and beverage license.
- Enron received the SEC green light Monday to float another 2 million shares of preferred stock.
- After careful review, the state of California has granted Michael Jackson a two-year renewable license to own and operate a home for wayward children.
- Billy Martin’s liquor license came in.
- The California Department of Consumer Affairs has granted Charles Manson a license to operate a dude ranch.
- Amy Fisher’s five-day waiting period for a handgun has just ended.
- Woody Allen and Mia Farrow’s adoption papers for a little Vietnamese girl came through on Wednesday.
- Andrea Yates was granted a home schooling license.
- Jack Kevorkian got a permit last week to run a hospice.
- Winona Rider was approved for a Tiffany’s charge card.
- Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell received their marriage license in the mail.
- After an exhaustive manual recount, it turns out Richard M. Nixon won Cooke County, IL in 1960.
- The New Jersey Casino Control Commission has issued Pete Rose a gaming license.
- Monica Lewinsky received high level White House clearance.
Even in these confusing, politically correct times, when people like Dr. Joyce Brothers are cavity searched at airports, it defies belief that anyone not living in a lean-to on the outskirts of the Nevada salt flats would not have been predisposed to give someone like Atta perhaps a second look. However, there is a bright side to the INS embarrassment. At least now we know where to get jurors for the Robert Blake trial.
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