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9/12 Get ready for September 11, the musical. No, this is not a sick joke. Not mine, anyway. Sergei Dreznin’s play Vienna-New York Retour “chronicles the destruction of the World Trade Center and the aftermath through the eyes of Suzanne, a struggling young singer who lands a dream role on Broadway on the eve of the attacks.” Hey, Serge, this thing is going to fall faster than Kanduhar. Too bad it didn’t open on September 11, because closing on September 11 may have been its one shot at posterity. To paraphrase David Spade’s stock line, I liked this play better . . . when it was called The Producers. After a long, hard day of watching countless hours of 9/11 documentaries and news analysis shows on the imminent US invasion of Iraq, there’s no better way to unwind than dumping 180 bucks for a pair of dress circle seats at the Lunt-Fontaine Theater so I can watch a kickline of Saddam look-alikes march in time to a rousing rendition of “Springtime for Osama.” All the singing bin Ladens on this side, all the dancing bin Ladens on that side. Unfortunately, the second year post-9/11 looks a lot scarier than the first, if only because some of the protective shock has worn off and the exploitation is setting in. Every rap, hip-hop, heavy metal, retro-rock, jazz, funk, punk, new age, R&B, country, and reggae artist has at least one full-length 9/11 CD out by now, with another half album either in the can or awaiting mixdown. There will be a best-of compilation CD as soon as there are any good songs. Time-Warner is launching an all-9/11 channel this fall with Geraldo Rivera as the host. If everything goes according to plan, 9/11-II will be launched in March as a premium channel. September 28 is Mohammed Atta bobble head night at Shea Stadium, and 9/11 trading cards will debut in the spring, with Giuliani and Kerrick rookie cards early favorites to be collector’s items. The unsettling truth is, there is no longer a clear political mandate beyond gazing suspiciously at men with turbans. Why plunge the world into war when two Daily News reporters can carry carpet knives onto commercial flights with the success rate of wealthy nonagenarians hitting on Anna Nicole Smith? The day that changed everything didn’t change corporate greed, child illiteracy, justice for sale, teenagers strung out on GHB, acid rain, global warming, unsecured personal debt in the trillions, or the fact that you take your life into your hands when you merge onto the New Jersey Turnpike at exit 15. The real jeopardy may come from within. I’ll take coat hangers for three thousand, Alex. But why quibble with inevitability? Now that the little plastic tanks have been moved around the board in the Pentagon and we’ve convincingly defeated Iraq and ousted Saddam Hussein in a computer simulation, it’s time to move on to the next computer simulation. You know, the one that has Baghdad crammed with Starbucks, Radio Shacks, and Benettons and Iraqis dropping everything Sunday night at nine to watch The Sopranos. The one that has the entire Middle East air conditioned and wired for DSL. The one that has Kid Rock headlining at the Islamabad Open Air Festival. Right about now, we’re supposed to sit back and let it all happen. But in the immortal words of Leo Bloom, I’m in pain, I’m wet, and I’m still hysterical. Click here to rant back. |