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Heir-heads Forget the carnage in Iraq. Forget the abuses at Gitmo. Forget the slaughter in Darfur. Forget the eight-trillion dollar national debt. Forget the real estate bubble Alan Greenspan devotes his every waking hour to keep from popping. Rupert Murdoch, Viacom, and various other media https://experience.tripster.ru/experience/Vyborg/sights/ giants want us to know that hotel brat Paris Hilton is engaged to Greek shipping brat Paris Latsis. Let the debate begin. Who will commit adultery firstParis or Paris? My moneys on Paris. Who will commit adultery more often? My moneys on Paris. Who will bring less sincerity, fortitude, and maturity to the altar? My moneys on Paris. Who will sell the honeymoon sex video? My moneys on eBay. Which will last longerthe marriage or the reality series? My moneys on the reality series. Call it Who Wants to Marry an Heir-head. Go figure. Gay marriage is a political hot potato, but this thing is perfectly legal. What could marriage possibly mean to someone like Parishooking up with strangers on weeknights only? Any day now were going to have to hear about how Paris is a born-again virgin. Born yesterday is more like it. Lets hope the day before the wedding, at least one Paris pulls a Jennifer Wilbanks. Youve heard of the runaway bride. Now theres the throwaway couple, with throwaway vows. At the ceremony, they might as well just read the prenup. This particular prenup allows both Paris and Paris to keep the STDs they brought to the relationship. Which raises the questionwhat do you get the couple who has everything? Penicillin. As a team, the one gift Paris-squared can give back to this world is no offspring. The baby can be only what the marriage isa publicity stunt. And at least the marriage can be annulled. If there are offspringGod and summer fashion forbidwe will be subjected to endless messy details of postpartum plastic surgery, and really, who gives a tuck? If Paris wants to experience the joys of being with child, she should do what any self-disrespecting, attention seeking trailer trash would dobecome a surrogate mother for Michael Jackson. Set your Rolex to their inevitable appearance on COPS, where the Paris twins will end up coked out of their heads, half-naked, and spread-eagle on the hood of a police car. You have the right to remain stupid. Anything you say or do may be used against you on E! Who will look more battered? My moneys on Paris. It might actually win Paris some sympathy. It worked for David Gest. Thats hot. For better or for worse? I say for ratings. Like many married couples, my wife and I choose not to remain in any club that would have Paris as a member. Well still live together, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Funny thingmarriage is in right now, at least for celebrities with no one out there left to bang. But this too shall pass, and when it does, Paris-squared will be calling Raul Felder. Then, by the mercy of heaven, Paris and Paris will go their separate ways. Unfortunately, well always have Paris. Click here to rant back. |