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Floating Through Life N Synch member Lance Bass has been grounded. His plans to leave the Earth with the next Russian Soyuz capsule were scuttled when he couldnt pay the $20 million fare. Too bad. I could probably have raised the twenty million myself by taking up a collection on my block. On one conditionthat its a one-way trip. Instead, Bass will now have to lift off like the rest of his peers in the music industrywith a bagfull of crank. The cancelled flight also kills the documentary that was planned by Destiny Productions of Los Angeles. This was going to be an important что посмотреть в Самаре film, documenting for the first time what happens when groupies refuse to swallow in zero gravity. One small step for a man, one giant step for pay-per-view. But no matter how far out in orbit Lance Bass managed to get, he could never be as weightless as an N Synch album. Some of us are old enough to remember when space travel actually meant something. The men who lifted off at Cape Kennedy and spent a few perilous days tethered to life by a thin umbilical cord spent virtually their entire productive lives mentally, physically, and emotionally preparing for that one flight. Today, in less time than it takes to get your learners permit, vacuous boy-band members and self-indulgent dot.com moguls train for space by learning to push a little harder on the mouse when playing Gladiator. Yes, for the moment, the all-time list of people who have been up in space remains a head or two smaller than the list of celebrities, beauticians, and handymen who have had Madonna. But that same list is quickly becoming more watered down than major league pitching and more thinned out than Rudy Giulianis hair. The fact that California millionaire Dennis Tito and South African internet tycoon Mark Shuttleworth now cohabit that once prestigious list with the likes of John Glenn and Neil Armstrong should be enough to rob any self-respecting aviation historian of the will to live Maybe its just jealousy, but its hard to read stories like this one while scraping together $299 and some frequent flyer miles for a round trip ticket to Detroit. There is perhaps nothing more annoying than undeserving rich people with time, money, and a stupid idea on their hands. The idle rich are getting idler. Its an epidemic. Just this summer, 58-year-old Chicago businessman Steve Fossett circumnavigated the planet in a balloon in nineteen days on his sixth try. Youve got to wonder what a middle-aged businessman does alone up in a bubble for nineteen days. Without the escort service dropping by every few hours, boredom can set in. Sure, wed like to think that Steve Fossett didnt litter or worse, but its not like he was ever going to be caught. Up there in the trade winds, you take a leak over Mozambique and someone gets wet in Tibet. This was not Jules Vernes Around the World in 80 Days. No top hats or continual gusts in your face. In fact, this was no balloon. This thing was made of steel and could have hovered over the US Open if the money was right. The guy had a microwave oven and a laptop. Next spring, theyre putting in a deck with a Jacuzzi. If you happen to find yourself idle one day, take a look at his flight chart. Steve Fossett didnt go around the world. Basically, he went around Antarctica. If the world was his lover, he hugged her at the knees. You want adventure, Steve? Try circling Baghdad. Try dropping food over Kabul. At least carry Doppler 10,000 and tell us if its going to rain. Amidst international terror, imminent war, and national recession, we want to ask the Lance Basses and Steven Fossetts of the world why, yet that is perhaps the ultimate taboo in the age of $6,000 shower curtains. But alas, I have my needs too. All I know is, the next time I see a millionaire in a balloon, Ill be ready with a .22, a camcorder, and the cell phone number of the producer at Americas Funniest Home Videos. Click here to rant back. |